The Least Romantic Songs of All Time
Looking to swoon your Valentine this year with some sultry tunes? Then stop reading now. This list isn’t for you. Now, if you’re looking to weird out your Valentine with the worst “love songs” ever written, then look no further. You will not find any Al Green or Barry White here; these are the least romantic songs of all time.
#5 Shaggy – “It Wasn’t Me”
Despite the great beat, super catchy hook and chorus, this is not the song you want to play for your Valentine’s Day date. It’s all about cheating on your SO and then lying about it. Maybe you can get away with it if you have the lyrical prowess of Shaggy, but even if you did it’s still not a good look.
Least Romantic Lyric –
Makes you know say that she really no right for vex. A never you she see yah make the gigolo flex. A smaddy else a favor you inna di complex.
#4 Slayer – “Raining Blood”
I think most heavy metal songs could make the cut for the least romantic songs of all time, but Slayer’s “Raining Blood” holds a special place on the list. A perfect song to get a crowd turned into an angry mob ready to riot and loot the streets, but not a good Valentine’s day song.
Least Romantic Lyric
“Trapped in purgatory. A lifeless object, alive. Awaiting reprisal, death will be their acquiescence”
#3 The Police – “Every Breath You Take”
I hope that by now you know this is not a love song, but for some reason people still view it as one. It’s written from the perspective of a stalker who is obsessed with someone. THIS IS NOT A ROMANTIC SONG. Do not play this on February 14th unless you want the cops called on you.
Least Romantic Lyric
“I’ll be watching you.”
#2 Next – “Too Close”
I just recently found out that one of my all-time favorite high school dance songs is about getting boned up while your date dances on you. How my school and countless other high schools across the country didn’t catch this is crazy. The first spoken words in the song are literally “I wonder if she can tell I’m hard right now”. The beat may have you fooled that this is actually a romantic song. DON’T FALL FOR IT! This song is insanely corny and cringy. Somehow it still has a special place in my heart.
Least Romantic Lyric –
Step back you’re dancing kind of close
I feel a little poke coming through on you
Now girl I know you felt it
#1 Tom Jones – “What’s New Pussycat”
First off, times have changed. I don’t know any woman who wants to be called a pussycat. The song shoots itself in the foot within the first four seconds of the song. One of the most obnoxious intros ever recorded followed by childish lyrics and rolling trumpets. God, this song is just so unromantic it’s mind-boggling. This is a good choice if your date is from the 1920s and you’re at a speakeasy drinking Manhattans, beyond that it’s a terrible idea.
Least Romantic Lyric – ( I couldn’t choose one, the whole song is just terrible)
What’s new pussycat whoa
What’s new pussycat whoa oh
Pussycat, pussycat, I’ve got flowers
And lots of hours to spend time with you
So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose
Pussycat, pussycat, I love you yes I do
You and your pussycat nose
What’s new pussycat whoa
What’s new pussycat whoa oh oh
Pussycat, pussycat, you’re so thrilling
And I’m so willing to care for you
So go and make up your big little pussycat eyes
Pussycat, pussycat, I love you yes I do
You and your pussycat eyes
What’s new pussycat whoa
What’s new pussycat whoa oh oh
Pussycat, pussycat, you’re delicious
And if my wishes can all come true
I’ll soon be kissing your sweet little pussycat lips
Pussycat, pussycat, I love you yes I do
You and your pussycat eyes whoa
You and your pussycat nose